My Birth Mother - From Lost to Found

I feel like I should be shaking.  I just realized my hand is shaking, but not as an involuntary response, I'm making it happen as it seems that should be what is happening.  I am overwhelmed, and yet peaceful, racing, and yet still, confused, and yet certain.  My mouth is wide open and I'm looking all around me as if seeing my surroundings for the first time.  My eyes burn a little from the tears that fell upon first hearing those words, "Ashley, this is Katrina (she is the adoption search specialist I am working with).  Are you sitting down?  I just got off the phone with your birth mother..."

A statement to which I could only respond with a tearful, "Oh My God."

Her name is Linda.  When she was contacted and told what the call was about, she was asked how she felt about it.  Her response, "Scared."  Absolutely!  Can you imagine getting a call, out of the blue, 31 years later?  How do you handle that?  What if you're at work?  Who do you tell?  I imagine "scared" is a massive understatement.

She spoke very little as she took it all in.  Her primary focus was on knowing if I've had a good life.  She was reassured that I have.  She spoke about the sister I have, who is 29, and has a birthday the day before mine.  My sister knows about me.

Linda (it is so baffling to have a name for her) was excited and said she has thought of me often.  I'd written her a letter, which she did not want Katrina to read over the phone.  Katrina told her she would scan it and email it right away, which excited her greatly.

She will take the next steps in registering with the state to allow the process for the release of identifying information to take place.  This will take 4-6 weeks.  In the meantime, I can communicate with her all I want.  I have to write my communication in an email to Katrina and she will copy and paste it in an email to my birth mother.

I'm so glad I stayed home from work today.