The History of Me - The Search For My Birth Mother Begins

I have slept since yesterday's phone call, yet I don't feel like I've processed much yet.  Let me back up.  On December 21, 2015 I went to volunteer at St. Elizabeth Coleman Pregnancy and Adoption Services (SEC), as I have during the Christmas season for the last couple of years.  Back in 1984, I was adopted through their agency. (Back then it was just Coleman.  The two agencies merged later on.)

My entire life I’ve known I was adopted an understood what that meant.  Over the years I’ve considered searching for my birth mother on a number of occasions.  I feel like I have considered it from every possible angle.  From the point of view of my parents, considering my birth mother could be a good or bad person, knowing she may or may not want anything to do with me, knowing it’s possible she has passed away, thinking that it really isn’t overly important because I already have such an amazing family… and the list goes on. 

With all that being said, I started to become more serious about considering the search when I started volunteering with SEC back in 2013.  I got up the nerve to sit down with their Adoption Search Specialist, Katrina, to discuss the process of doing a search and the possible outcomes.  My biggest fear was that my birth mother would turn out to have passed away and that would be the end of the road.  As it turns out, Katrina would be able to reach out to other family members if that was the case and attempt to connect me with them.  Knowing that made such a world of difference to me.  The second item of concern was if the search would be successful.  Once again, good news.  Katrina is a rock star at the whole adoption search game and has almost always succeeded in finding who she is looking for (99%).

I’ve exchanged emails with Katrina a few times since then, usually stating I was going to send in my paperwork to do the search soon.  This consists of an official form, a letter to my birth mother, which Katrina would read to her over the phone when she located her, and a recent picture of myself.   I’ve written that letter over and over for the past couple of years, updating it with new information and rewording it to fit my current state of being.

This past October I, once again, decided it was time to do the search.  I rewrote my letter, printed updated photos, got my form notarized, wrote the check, put it all in an envelope and addressed it to Katrina.  I even emailed her to let her know I’d be putting it in the mail shortly.  That didn’t happen.

Fast forward to December 21.  I was to work a half day in the office and go to SEC to volunteer in the afternoon.  I planned to take my packet in personally.  That morning I couldn’t find the packet for anything.  I got to work without it and took a moment to consider whether this was a sign to let it go or just a result of my terrible housekeeping.  Luckily my letter was saved to the cloud so I was able to access it and review it.  As it turns out, I felt the need to update it even though I had just done so in October.  My pictures were also saved to the cloud so I was able to order new prints.  There was a notary in their office who helped me out with that piece.  All in all, I was able to recreate the packet rather quickly.  I turned it in that day.  Katrina was out for the holidays, but I saw it placed in her mailbox, so there was no question it was there and waiting for her return.

Fast forward again, this time to January 5, 2016 (yesterday as I write this).  I received an email from Katrina telling me she had my file and was ready to go.  She requested to schedule an hour to talk on the phone so she could read me my file.  We scheduled it for 4:00 PM the same day.  The hours of a work day have never dragged on so slowly as they did waiting for 4:00. 

January 5, 2016, 3:55 PM:  I called SEC and asked to speak with Katrina.  She quickly answered and asked if I was ready for this.  I replied I guess I was as ready as I’d ever be.  I had just left work and had to pull my car to a nearby parking lot to take the call so I wouldn’t be disturbed by colleagues coming and going.  I had a notepad and pen ready to take notes on anything she had to tell me. 

At that time she opened what I envision to be a manila folder that has been stored away for a great many years and took out one document/ note at a time and read each one to me over the course of about 40 minutes.  Of course she had to skip over any identifying information like names, companies, cities, etc.  Despite that, I learned details about my birth mother and the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy and adoption plan that I never dreamed would be available. 

Out of respect for my birth mother I won’t reveal all the specifics, but some of the information I was able to obtain included:

• Her family history- including heights, weights, appearance, interests, occupations, ages, and some medical history for all her siblings, and close relatives back to her grandparents. 

• Details of the situation she found herself in and why she chose to make an adoption plan.

• Specific dates of when she first contacted the agency, conversations and meetings she had with her assigned agency worker.  These described several conversations in detail about what was going on in her life, her demeanor with the caseworker, what she was excited about, nervous/ concerned about, where her mindset was, and so much more. 

• One of the specific detail I’d love to share involves the selection process.   My birth mother was given the profiles of three possible families to choose for her child.  They were labeled Family A, Family B, and Family C.  On November 9^th she called the agency to let them know she had selected Family A, which are the wonderful people I call my parents.  The fun fact about this is November 9^th is my mom’s birthday.  She would have been celebrating her special day and having no idea that there was another present she had been selected to receive. She’d just have to wait another month to find out. 

• I have always known I was given a name before I was placed with my parents.  However, I never knew if it was given to me by my birth mother, the hospital, or during the 10 days I spent in foster care.  There is still not a conclusive verdict on this, but it seems likely that name was given to me by my birth mother.  It was Holly Noel.  

• My birth mother followed up with the agency a few times over the next few years.  The final update was in 1987 when she informed them that she gave birth to a baby girl who, it seems, she chose to parent.  I have a sister.  I’ve always been an only child.  I don’t really comprehend this concept of a sister.  That one will take a bit to process and absorb.  Well, everything will. 

That phone call was quite a roller coaster.  I went from giggles to tears to all out bawling and back over and over.  I feel like I know a ton and yet I know nothing at all. 

As a result of some very early (and promising) developments in the search, it is expected to be a very quick process of getting in touch with my birth mother.  Once Katrina locates her and is able to contact her, I will be notified.  It will be my birth mother's choice on how she wishes to proceed at that point.  After the years of consideration of all the ways this could go, I can say with certainty I am prepared for any type of response and have no expectations.  For now, I’ll be working on processing all the new information I have. 

Wow.  Damn.  Crazy.