Since writing about my birth mother being found, I’ve
received countless questions about how the process is coming along. It’s been remarkable how many people were
touched by this development in my life and care enough to remember to ask me
about it even months later.
At the moment, there is nothing much to report on the
topic. I’ve sent two emails to her in
addition to the letter I wrote as part of the search process. Because it appears the paperwork has not been
completed and/or processed (it’s a government thing), no identifying information
can be exchanged between us. When I wish
to communicate with her, I send the email to the search specialist at the
adoption agency, who then forwards it on to my birth mother. My birth mother has the option to write back
to the agency and it would be forwarded to me.
To date I’ve not received any replies.
As I’ve given this update to the many who have asked, it
seems the natural reaction is one of feeling bad for me or feeling like they’ve
touched a nerve by asking. Nothing could
be further from the truth. You see, this
is something I’ve considered for my whole life and have discussed with the
search specialist at the adoption agency for a couple of years. I have heard the wide variety of stories of
how things can go and made sure I was in a place, emotionally, where I was
prepared to accept any outcome. Allow me
to elaborate by telling you some of the scenarios I considered and made peace
with before consenting to do a search for my birth mother…
- Her response being, “I gave away that baby for a reason, I don’t want anything to do with her.”
- Her response being, “Oh my sweet baby! I’ll clear a room and she can come stay with me anytime she wants, and she’ll call me when she has problems, and we’ll be mother and daughter!”
- She’s in jail
- She wants to meet me, but then tries to scam me or ask me for money, etc.
- She’s dead
- She has a spouse or kids that she's never told about me
- She’s super successful and maybe even famous
- She’s struggling with finances, health, or some other major life issue
- She’s a reasonable person who I could have a healthy relationship with
And the list goes on and on and on. What I’m getting at here is that I had peace
within myself for anything that could be thrown at me with this situation,
including silence. I reached a point
where I knew I could maintain a level of admiration for her for enduring a
pregnancy and placing the child for adoption regardless of any other circumstances
which may come up.
It was remarkable to find out that she is alive and to get
some history on my adoption and the circumstances surrounding it. I take comfort in the fact that I have done my
part to open the doors of communication and if she chooses to walk through, I’ll
gladly be there to meet her. Otherwise,
I’ll continue on with the beautiful life I’ve been given with no regrets for setting out on the adoption search adventure. I’m better for it, as it stands and
for whatever it may become.
Peace
